Back to Blog
a lit up open sign in a shop with the words How To Write a Ridiculously Spectacular Opening Line for Your Fundraising Appeal

How To Write an Opening Line for Your Fundraising Appeal

​Beginnings are so memorable.

You can probably remember a bunch of "firsts" clearly. Your first crush. Your first apartment. Your first day at a new job.

I'll never forget the first time I met each of my four children. The picture below is the first family photo taken after my husband and I adopted two children from Ethiopia in 2006. Memories from those moments are etched in my brain (and heartπŸ’—).

((Of course, don't ask me to tell you what happened 2, 3, 4, or 10 years from that date. It's a blur!))

* * *

Studies have shown that when given a list of words, most people remember the very beginning and the very end the best. The middle items? Recalling those are much more difficult.

Psychologists call these cognitive biases the serial-position effect (Perhaps more commonly referred to as the primacy and recency effects.)

Here's a graph of one study's findings. Again, beginnings and endings just stick with us more than anything in the middle.

​

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serial-position_effect#/media/File:Serial_position.png

Beginnings in Fundraising Communications

Beginnings embed themselves in our memories and stir emotion. This is why a good start in a fundraising appeal can help elevate your message to your donors.

Your opening line needs to have what copywriter David Garfinkel calls “grab-ability.” You need to be able to capture the attention of your reader.

But you also need to maintain their interest throughout. Ideally, you want your appeal "grabby" from start to finish. πŸ€—

To help stir your creativity, I've assembled a list below. These are 10 ways you can lead your donor (by the heart) into your letter's main message.

This is by no means an exhaustive list; just some ways to help awaken your creative muse.

I've paired each with real-world opening lines from fundraising appeals that have landed in my mailbox. I hope you find them helpful!



Opening Lines to Give You Inspiration for Your Next Appeal

1. Ask a Question That Grabs Hearts

Opening Lines from Food for the Poor:

Can you imagine having constant, agonizing stomach cramps from never having enough food?
​
Little Evelyn can. At 2-½ years old, all she ever knew in her young life was hunger.

 

2. Introduce a Story with a Startling Reality

Opening Lines from ASPCA:

He was just an innocent dog…
… alone in an apartment.
… without food or water nearby.
… his body in survival mode.

 

3. Show the Urgency to Act Now

Opening Lines from Save the Children:

Time is running out to double the impact of your gift and help children like Belinda and Duviaska around the world.

 

4. Convey the Power of One Donor

Opening Lines from Orbis:

It takes one loyal Orbis donor like you — not thousands of dollars — to restore a child’s sight.

 

5. Connect the Pandemic to Your Cause

Opening Lines from Feeding America:

If the past year has taught us anything, it's that anyone, at any time, in any circumstance, could need a little extra help keeping food on the table.

 

6. Show Impact & Appreciation for Previous Support

Opening Lines from Vida Joven de Mexico:

Thanks to you, Verania graduated high school in July.
​
Now, will you help Verania get into college this September?

 

7. Get Right to the Point

Opening Lines from Susan G Komen:

Today, I'm writing to ask you to give more cherished moments to people whose lives have been forever changed by breast cancer.

 

8. From POV of Former Beneficiary

Opening Lines from International Rescue Committee:

My name is Kharga, and I want to tell you a story. My story.

 

9. Show It's About the Donor

Opening Lines from The Anti-Cruelty Society:

As the new year begins, I am once again filled with hope for homeless and hurting pets in the Chicago area. Why?
​
The reason is quite simple: friends like 
you.

 

10. Use Repetition to Evoke Emotion

Lines from St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital:

Childhood cancer doesn’t discriminate. It knows no race… knows no borders or boundaries.
​
Childhood cancer knows no nationality, social status or religion.
​
Childhood cancer touches us all.

 


[Free Download] Letter-Starters

A Freebie You Might Like πŸ‘‰ I've just created a new cheat sheet that you can grab here: 99 Powerful Opening Lines for Your Fundraising Appeals.

 



A Year-End Appeal Conundrum From a Newsletter Subscriber...

Emma writes:

"My year-end appeal conundrum is coming up with a fresh way to ask for money for the same project. πŸ˜…"

Emma's not alone. You've probably run into this predicament too.
​
Your projects and programs don't change every single time you write an appeal, right? But you—or your boss—want a new way of asking donors for something you've already asked them for.

I'll get right to the point:

Starting from scratch may not be the best use of your time — and your efforts may not produce better results.

So here's a question to ask yourself before thinking about changing your fundraising messaging:

How successful was your last appeal for the same project?

A gif of one character saying, "Not great, Bob" to another in a scene from the TV show Mad Men.

If your answer is "Not great, Bob!" then yes, you need to examine what might have gone wrong and adjust your appeal. Start with your fundraising offer.

The fundraising offer is the main thing that will happen when the donor makes a gift. So, besides engaging the right audience (make sure you're doing that!), your fundraising offer is the main driver of your appeal's success.

Because when you have a compelling offer, your appeal can succeed even if everything else about your appeal letter isn't stellar.

Let's look at the essence of a good fundraising offer.

A good offer is focused, is urgent, shows the impact, and is best when expressed with a cost.

Here are some examples of offers:

  • $17 will feed a homeless senior dog for a month.
  • $50 will bring the cure for cancer one step closer.
  • Your gift supports the students’ spring musical.
  • Every $1 you give provides $9 worth of food and essentials.

You can learn more about offers from this free ebook from The Better Fundraising Company. It's fantastic!

​
​What if your last appeal for the same project reached or exceeded your fundraising goals? How do you "freshen up" the messaging?

Bugs Bunny counting money (gif)

If you're happy with the outcome of your last appeal for the same project, celebrate! Congratulations on its success! πŸŽ‰

Be careful about how you change your messaging on a money-raising appeal. You don't want to change the appeal just for the sake of change.

One of the main reasons behind the desire to alter the messaging is that you don't want your donors to get bored or annoyed by the same "ask." Right?

But here's the thing:

Donors aren't paying as close attention to your fundraising as you are. You are in the thick of it, day in and day out. Donors are not.

Oddly, if you start to get bored with your fundraising messaging, chances are good that your donors are just beginning to "receive" the message.

So, again, be careful about reinventing the wheel when it rolls perfectly fine.

That said, there certainly are ways to make sure your message is as strong as it can be.

Here are three tips.
​

Three Tips to Strengthen Your Fundraising Message

Keep It Simple

In the book Made to Stick, authors Chip and Dan Heath talk about being a master of exclusion. Don’t introduce multiple themes, people, places, and so on.

That doesn’t mean dumbing things down. It does mean, however, finding the core of the idea. To get to the core, we've got to weed out the extraneous elements and remove important ideas that aren't the most important ones.
​

Add Emotion

Donors give based on emotion. Then they back it up with logic. This may sound overly dramatic, but you want to take their breath away so that they can feel the impact of their forthcoming gift.

Do you remember when the Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris was damaged by fire a few years ago? In 48 hours, nearly $1 billion was pledged to restore the cathedral.
​
No case study, no detailed Excel spreadsheets, no pie charts, no strategy. Just people who had a deep emotional connection to the cathedral feeling devastated and wanting to help.
​

Create Urgency

To get people to act immediately, they need to know why your message is so urgent. Why should they give now and not 6 weeks from now?

Some ideas to create urgency:

  • Use a real or artificial deadline
  • Have a match offer
  • Explain the consequences of not giving now

Use words such as now, today, hurry, don't wait, ending soon, don't delay, final chance, deadline. β³


Fundraising Writing Newsletter

Every two weeks I send a letter about fundraising, writing, donors, and life to smart fundraisers like you.

I share fresh, practical donor communication tips and resources... and some silliness too.

It’s free. Unsubscribe whenever you want.

I love receiving letters. If you do too, subscribe today.