
X-ray of a donor newsletter -- "Know your bones"
Isn't it weird that we all have bones?
Even as a kid, you know they're in you, under your skin.
But they're out of sight. So, you forget.
Right?
Donor newsletters are the same way. If you don't "X-ray" them to see their bones, making sure everything is in its right place... you might be in for some preventable pain.
Let's prevent that pain!
Money-making newsletter (written by Tom Ahern; designed by Andrea Hopkins): bird's-eye-view...
(As featured on The Case Writers website.)
Let's take just one page.
Zoom in: page view...
Focus: top of page...
And let the X-raying begin!
X-ray: image, headline, caption, label...
- The image quality is good.
- Nothing about the image distracts from its subject.
- The image features a seal's face (aka, the face of a beneficiary) looking at you with big eyes.
- The headline tells an before-and-after story
- The headline's caboose is powerful: "home."
- The arrow draws your attention to a note of gratitude that includes the word "YOU" (in all caps).
- The caption starts with "You."
- The caption tells the gist of the story you're about to read.
Focus: paragraph #1...
X-ray: the bones of paragraph #1...
- This is a story of one beneficiary. (Keeping it simple. Confusion does not move donors to take action.)
- The headline starts with a name, Zehr, which is nicely specific.
- The headline expresses gratitude to "you."
- The second sentence starts with "You."
- The paragraph retells the "before" of the before-and-after story (i.e., story of need).
- The last sentence shows the donor's impact: "...your generosity gave her a second chance at life..."
- The last sentence ends with "you."
Focus: testimonial...
X-ray: the bones of the testimonial...
- The testimonial includes a photo of a smiling person.
- The testimonial includes a pleasing change of font style, color, and formatting... for variety and emphasis.
- The testimonial serves as social proof. (She liked it — you probably will too!)
- The testimonial breaks up the paragraphs. (Chunking helps!)
Focus: paragraphs #2 and #3...
X-ray: the bones of paragraphs #2 and #3...
- The first sentence starts with "You'll."
- The first phrase is bolded for emphasis and variety.
- The first sentence evokes pathos/emotion. (Donors who FEEL more CARE more and GIVE more.)
- The second sentence shows the donor's impact in action, so they can feel: "You Were There."
- The second sentence respects the beneficiary's dignity and agency.
- The second paragraph reiterates the need and forecasts what the impact will be with the donor's help.
Focus: paragraph #4...
X-ray: the bones of paragraph #4...
- The first sentence starts with "You."
- The first phrase evokes pathos/emotion.
- The first sentence shows impact: Zehr had a "lightbulb moment," thanks to the donor.
- The second sentence thanks the donor for this impact.
- The second sentence depicts the "after" of the before-and-after story (i.e., story of impact).
- The second sentence represents a happy ending.
- The last word is "wild" — which means "the seal is going home." (And this last word echoes!)
- The last character is a ❤️. (Again, invoking feeling as well as donor identity: "Yes, I am a person with heart. I think I will donate to help more hurting animals like Zehr.")
Focus: Call-to-Action...
X-ray: Call-to-Action (CTA)...
- The CTA engages the donor.
- The second word is "Your."
- The next sentence also includes "you."
- The CTA directs more people to the website.
- The design of the CTA adds color and variety.
- The CTA contrasts with the nearby paragraphs to stave off the mind-numbing effect of a "wall of text."
- The CTA fosters action, which lifts donations.
Prognosis: These bones (knock-knock) are solid...
So, this newsletter is X-ray-approved!
While you're here...
Why not read a little more?
Here are a few more blog posts you might like:
1. Thank You for the "Mental Real Estate"
2. You Can't Feel "Empty Urgency"
3. The 1 Forrest Gump Fundraising Secret You Need
4. You Can't Get Donors to FEEL It If You Don't Feel It First
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